IAPOMS and an amazing new sweater!

The truth is I am not always proud of the way that I treat my body. or the way that I treat my psyche afterwards, but I am proud of who I am and the person that I have become. I am proud of my size because it holds my heart and soul and those are my very best features!

 

I have been enjoying the cooler weather and wore some luxurious wool today. an you believe I got this sweater off Groupon Goods? $22 plus shipping! Calvin Klein Italian Merino wool! serious deal and I am going to wear this bad boy to death!

Head to toe:
Sweater: Groupon
Skirt: Thrifted
Shoes: Naturlizers, DSW

My friend Kristin received this fortune today and I pilfered a picture of it for the blog. I agree wholeheartedly.

Happy wool wearing-MB

OOTD FALL!!!

Lord I love fall, Cool weather, changing leaves, turkey chili and Broncos. I haven't posted in a mostly because of the feeling that I wrote about on my last post and partly because I was sick of my summer clothes. Now that it has cooled down and I have pulled out some of my Autumn wardrobe I want to set a goal to post at least twice a week. However i am sort of out of the habit already and my husband may be going out of town for a few weeks so I might be single-momming it for a while. We shall see.

I absolutely love this coral sweater.

 I feel very Joan Holloway in this outfit.

The sweater is super light weight so it is perfect for fall.

The glasses are actually too big so I wear a chain to keep them from falling off my face and onto the floor.

Head to Toe :
Glasses: Coastal
Glasses Chain: DRs vision works
Sweater: H&M
Skirt: Target
Shoes: Naturlizers, DSW

I got an amazing sweater in the mail today today so look out for it on a post soon!

Happy fall everyone! -MB

Fat. Acceptance?

I haven't been posting much, and for a blog that is a mere 2 months old that probably isn't a great sign. I want to tell you that I have been busy, with more family in town and a vacation to plan for, but truthfully I am feeling fat and trying to write about fat acceptance and posting pictures of myself doesn't feel very organic right now.

I have been obsessed with the fat acceptance movement for roughly 9 months or so. I was tired of feeling frumpy and feeling bad about myself for my extra poundage. I hated taking pictures with my skinny and beautiful friends. Especially a particularly tiny friend who's head came up to, and is about the same size as one of my boobs.

I stumbled upon this fat acceptance movement by accident. Until then I had no idea that somewhere out there, chubby, curvy. plus size, rubenesque and just plain fat people were OK with being fat. OK saying fat, OK being called fat. I wanted to cut my hair and was googling pictures of Pixie hair cuts. I kept coming across pictures of tiny girls. Ginnifer Goodwin, Natalie Portman, Michelle Williams. There were very virtually NO posts  of fat girls with Pixies. So I just googled "fat girl pixie hair cut" and discovered this, the nearsighted owl. the post I was directed to showed a beautiful woman with a snazzy pixie cut. The post wasn't just a fat girl with a pixie, but about how you should have any damn hairstyle you want, fat, thin or otherwise.  I spent the rest of that day immersed in reading this blog. On my phone.

I followed links on the owl to other blogs dedicated to something called "Fat Acceptance" and" healthy at every size (HAES)". I have to admit at first I was a little shocked. I have never in my life known a fat person who didn't mind being fat. I have been on some sort of diet since I was about 14. Even in the golden years after high school where I could down 4 martinis a night and still wear my Express Bikini jeans, I was still the curviest of my friends and always felt a bit unwieldy and out of place. So now here are people(women) saying, what? Who cares! be fat, be happy. be yourself. What? What would my girlfriends and I or my mother and I talk about if not for diets, and trainers and just how fat we were? I decided that I should try to do a little accepting of my fat.


 After losing about 50 lbs of baby weight last year, it felt good to stop dieting, I still went to the gym and took Andrew for long walks. I bought a bunch of new clothes instead of waiting to lose my last 10 pounds and for a while I felt really good about myself. But the truth was that, like with all quick fixes, the initial ease of acceptance began to fade.I started feeling like I could eat anything I wanted and started slacking off in the gym. I wasn't being healthy at my size and ended up putting on about 10 lbs.

Now of course I feel like crap. My back hurts, my jeans are tight and my face is puffed. I don't feel very accepting of myself and have resigned up for weight watchers and am hitting the weights at the gym again. I am hoping to lose the 10 lbs.

So how do you do it? Am I doomed to live the cycle of gain and lose for all my life? Do I give up and allow myself to gain a fair amount, (which I will )?  I can't. I have a fairly strong history of heart disease and diabetes in my family, I  have tested for high triglycerides. I have problems with IBS and chronic fatigue. I have a young child to raise.

 How can you accept your fat without also accepting MORE fat?

I guess that accepting your self is a process that can't happen overnight. There are never any quick fixes in life. just new ways to try and solve old problems and the will to keep trying until something works. I still very much believe in that Fat Acceptance movement. I know that I wont ever be petite or willowy and I am OK with that. However I do need to keep myself at a healthy size for me in order to feel well and to avoid some medical problems late in life. So instead of expecting it overnight I need to take it day by day. Avoid the scale and keep going to the gym. Eat a cupcake, but not 2. Keep the head up. Take some outfit photos. It's gonna be rough. Like I said. I feel really fat.

-MB

Movie review, Celeste and Jesse Forever.

On Sunday afternoon during Andrews nap time I had the chance to catch a film with my girlfriend JoLee. We went to the esquire in Denver which is one of those old Landmark theaters right in town. I hadn't been there in years.

Now I try not to be one to give to much a film away, so to keep it short. Celeste and Jesse Forever is fantastic! It was sweet and well crafted. The storyline was simple and believable although a bit sad at times. The movie was written by Rashida Jones herself, who I personally love. She is so fun on one of my favorite shows, "Parks and Recreation" Also it was great to see Andy Samberg play a real character. Not at one time did he attach any boxes to any of his appendages.

Not sure how much a dude would like this movie, but ladies you should see it!  Not to mention it has Elijah Wood in it and he is adorable!


-MB

Sunday Family Funday...White Fence Farm

We had such a nice family labor day weekend, but in all honesty a weekend of relaxing for us generally means that Andrew is bored out of his little gourd. By Sunday night the kid was doing all but hanging from the ceiling so we decided to take him out to dinner. We sat around around mulling over the idea of our usual Sunday night spot, Wahoo's Fish Taco and were wishing there was a restaurant out there with fun stuff for the kids, but decent food and drinks for us. Alex suggested White Fence Farm, great idea! My family has been going here for as long as I can remember and it is always an experience!

We arrived around 7 and they close at 8. next time I think we will go early and let Andrew explore and check out the playground and Petting Zoo before we eat. Still Andrew was excited by the place and was even scored a free rubber duck!

 

This place is right up my Ally! A big beautiful farm full of Americana Kitch and tasty food. As soon as you sit order they bring you family style Southern sides such as cottage cheese, Cole slaw and pickled beets.

Check out this sweet chicken mobile, you know I would cruise this baby all around Westminster!

Andrew Loved it! After dinner, Alex got fried chicken and I got the thanksgiving style turkey, we checked out the grounds and played in the playground in the dark. 

Andrew made like 4 wishes in this fountain, look how cute that kid is!

What did everyone else do this weekend? Have a great week! -MB

OOTD, and a new tattoo!

On Thursday I had a hankerin' to get a tattoo. I have wanted another small one for a while but I really had a hard time deciding on what I wanted. It dawned on me that I wanted to get something to represent my husband and son and since they have the same initials that seemed perfect. I mentioned it at work and it just so happened that my friend Jolee was getting tattooed the very next day so I tagged along.  I decided on a fancy moniker that would be delicate and simple and I am really happy with it

.

I think after it heals I am going to have the shaded part colored in. I want it to be more solid and have the letters stand out.


 It was stinkin HOT in Denver today. My mom gave me this dress a few weeks ago and I figured I better wear it before Labor Day. Yes, I follow the rule of no white after labor day in regard to dresses, skirts and pants.

I am linking up with  "I am proud of my size"  again this week! Check this out of you are interested in how to begin loving your body. Please! You won't be disappointed.

It was so bright out that I could hardly keep my eyes open!

Head to toe:

Glasses: Guess
Necklace: Etsy
Dress: MOM/Target
Vintage Clutch: Thrifted
Shoes: Stein Mart

I know I have mentioned before that my mom LOVES to shop. As a result I reap some serious benefits, we wear about the same size but are shaped a bit differently so I get hooked up. However my parents have bought a new house and my mom is going to have a massive closet. So maybe I won't get as much awesome stuff. That would make me sad.

Hope everyone has a great weekend. I am hoping to go see Celeste and Jesse forever with Jolee. A nap time matinee for some busy mamas!

-MB

Can I get a witness?

I have been letting my goal of blogging 3x a week slip. I am so impressed by bloggers who manage to update their blog every day or every other day. I know that they are just a busy as I am yet they make the time to work on their blog. HAHA in that last sentence I accidentally typed busty instead of busy. Maybe I should have left it.

I feel like there a few things that impede my blogging process.

One is that I do not work on a computer all day. I think if I worked on a computer during the day I would be able to work on the blog on lunch breaks. I suppose I could bring my laptop to work, but in my business we don't necessarily take an official lunch break, and I am really focusing efforts on my business when I am in the building and don;t want the distraction of my laptop.

 Another thing is that I feel like I should always have pictures to go with my posts. Thus is a truth with outfit posts, but because one of my goals when starting this blog was to enhance my writhing skills, so A new goal I am setting for myself is to write one photo-less post on my blog a week. It is easier for me to build a post around photos and then narrate them.

And most of all, I think that I am scared to actually start writing. I link my blog to my Facebook page, which means that pretty much anyone who has been part of my life is granted access to it. Boss, coworkers,parents, husband,friends of husband,old classmates and crushes, clients and so on. What if someone doesn't agree with me? Thinks I am too fat, or uneducated or female to give my opinion?

When I became a mother I decided to change the way that I thought. Starting with my loathing of confrontation. I wanted to do best to say what I think, and tell people when I am upset with them. I have done my best to air my concerns to a person themselves and to release the passive aggressive behave that I had come to lean on.

This was followed by the decision to be kinder on myself for my body size and shape. I have felt bad about my body most of my life. I still remember the first time a boy called me fat.  I am not skinny. I am not petite. I have big feet, big boobs and a healthy appetite. I also have a baby. A beautiful, healthy boy that I made in this body. How can I hate something that created (with some help, of course) the best part of my life? Not only that but I am pretty! And I take care of myself and dress well. I have a handsome loving husband, I am healthy and strong. What's an extra 20, 30 pounds to all this? Nothing that I should hang my head over.


So now I am trying to face something new. To stand out. To say what I mean and mean what I say. To let all of the awesomeness inside of me  out, even if I am the only one who sees it. To pull myself kicking and screaming out of my comfort zone. To quote my very own husband, "If you don't take risks you never win". I am not a risk taker. I stay well inside the box and I want to explore the outside. I can't look back on my life in 30 years and wish I had stood up or spoken out. It can not be too late to start.

I started this post to babble on about why I wasn't keeping up on my blog and all the rest of this came spilling out!

-MB